I don't know how many times in my life i've looked around and seen the blessings being heaped upon others, all the while thinking, "where are my blessings?, Why don't I get what I want? Why is the Lord not helping me?". I know, I know, not good!! I know this isn't true. I know the Lord desires, and delights in blessing us. I think the matter, then is not, "why doesn't He bless me?" but more, "What blessing have I not recognized?"
I just finished a book by Gerald Lund entitled "Divine Signatures, the Confirming Hand of God". As I was reading the book, satan put those little nasty thoughts in my head. Some days as I would read, I would get so frustrated because I felt that God had forgotten me. I actually had to say out loud, no that's not true. I know He blesses me, i just don't always see it. So that is where my focus has been the last few weeks, really coming to see the hand of the Lord in my life. It has been overwhelming to say the least. My eyes are really being opened to how aware God is of me, and the littlest things he does to help me see him
It can be something as small as my favorite ring from my bestie falling in my friend's shoe at church after it fell out of my lap, rather than falling on the floor. Or needing a little extra money, and 2 people contacting for massages. But the things I'm seeing now, are HUGE. I am understanding piece by piece, line upon line, the reason my life has been so hard for a couple of years. I don't understand it completely, and I may never will. There were some major things I needed to come to realize about myself. Things that actually require a professional to overcome, which I had to be humble enough to seek out. Being given the opportunity to see them, to change, so I don't pass things on to my children. If my best friend had never come into my life, I never would have acknowledged I neeeded help, or maybe never even seen how desperately I needed it.
All these things, without my knowing until a couple of days ago, are the things I needed most to begin doing the things I want to do with my life. I wouldn't be able to do these things, without this change. As hard as the last couple of years have been, I can look back and genuinely say thank you for the struggle, but also thank you for the understanding. I don't know why I worry and fret sometimes. I know God has this. He's God. He has everything
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Refiner's Fire
Hello all! I'm excited to be writing something new! The stuff I've posted over the last few weeks has, obviously, been stuff I've written a while ago. I actually had the thought to write this all the way back in August and started it, but never got around to writing it completely until now. As you've read in past posts, this last couple of years have felt like jumping from one inferno to the next. I've felt under constant attack, and some days my faith was shaken to its core. The trials seem stacked unceasingly. I never felt like I had a break.
We all know, and have been taught there is purpose to this life. We had to leave the comfort of our home and venture into the wild unknown we call earth, to grow and progress. That is the only way we could become like our Father in Heaven, which is our ultimate goal. So these trials I've been experiencing have had purpose. I know that, we all know that. Sometimes, it's very easy to forget that while we are in the midst of the trial, but can I say I'm stronger because of it? I sure hope so, cause this is NOTHING I want to repeat.
And that's the whole reason we have trials! To make us stronger. The question is, do you allow it to make you stronger, OR do you just endure until it seems to go away? There actually is quite a big difference in these two options. When faced with a trial, do you look at the trial, dissect it, see where you can make a change, and work on making that change, or do you suffer and moan and groan, or what nephi would call murmur? Sure, absolutely there are going to be times when we murmur. We are only human after all.
In malachi, there is a scripture that reads, And he shall sit as a purifier of silver, and as a refiners fire. That refiners fire is exactly what we go through. Each trial is is a refiners fire. What is the purpose of a refining fire? Yes! It is to purify the substance! In this case, US! Make no mistake, the smith has to watch closely so as to make sure the refining process doesn't damage the susbstance. So to does our Lord and Savior watch over us as we go through our refiners fire.
I've often wondered why I seem to go through the same trial over and over again. I think I have found the answer. Before, i would just endure. I would, in a way, become more prideful and bitter, rather than allow my soul to be purified. I didn't think about this until recently but it makes so much sense to me. I had to repeat the trial, so as to learn the real lesson. Will I repeat the trial in the future? Maybe. The Lord needs us to grow faith until it is perfect, like His and this won't happen on earth.
Now though, I have better tools to deal with the trial. I can look at the trial and figure out what God needs me to change and have the courage to change that. I don't want to settle any more. I want to be different. I want to change, I want to change for the better. I don't want to be embittered and hardened. Nobody likes someone like that. So my challenge to you is if you have a trial that seems to not go away, what is God trying to get you to understand, or how is he trying to soften your heart? God does not want us to be unhappy. Satan does. And satan knows, if he can plant a little seed, our natural man will blossom it until we are hardened completely. Allow our Father to change you to become like Him. No that process will not be easy, but the more we fight it, the harder it will be.
I love you all!!
We all know, and have been taught there is purpose to this life. We had to leave the comfort of our home and venture into the wild unknown we call earth, to grow and progress. That is the only way we could become like our Father in Heaven, which is our ultimate goal. So these trials I've been experiencing have had purpose. I know that, we all know that. Sometimes, it's very easy to forget that while we are in the midst of the trial, but can I say I'm stronger because of it? I sure hope so, cause this is NOTHING I want to repeat.
And that's the whole reason we have trials! To make us stronger. The question is, do you allow it to make you stronger, OR do you just endure until it seems to go away? There actually is quite a big difference in these two options. When faced with a trial, do you look at the trial, dissect it, see where you can make a change, and work on making that change, or do you suffer and moan and groan, or what nephi would call murmur? Sure, absolutely there are going to be times when we murmur. We are only human after all.
In malachi, there is a scripture that reads, And he shall sit as a purifier of silver, and as a refiners fire. That refiners fire is exactly what we go through. Each trial is is a refiners fire. What is the purpose of a refining fire? Yes! It is to purify the substance! In this case, US! Make no mistake, the smith has to watch closely so as to make sure the refining process doesn't damage the susbstance. So to does our Lord and Savior watch over us as we go through our refiners fire.
I've often wondered why I seem to go through the same trial over and over again. I think I have found the answer. Before, i would just endure. I would, in a way, become more prideful and bitter, rather than allow my soul to be purified. I didn't think about this until recently but it makes so much sense to me. I had to repeat the trial, so as to learn the real lesson. Will I repeat the trial in the future? Maybe. The Lord needs us to grow faith until it is perfect, like His and this won't happen on earth.
Now though, I have better tools to deal with the trial. I can look at the trial and figure out what God needs me to change and have the courage to change that. I don't want to settle any more. I want to be different. I want to change, I want to change for the better. I don't want to be embittered and hardened. Nobody likes someone like that. So my challenge to you is if you have a trial that seems to not go away, what is God trying to get you to understand, or how is he trying to soften your heart? God does not want us to be unhappy. Satan does. And satan knows, if he can plant a little seed, our natural man will blossom it until we are hardened completely. Allow our Father to change you to become like Him. No that process will not be easy, but the more we fight it, the harder it will be.
I love you all!!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Patience #1
Originally written 7/6/10
"I love the 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday and this year it was especially inspiring as I sat in church and worshipped the being that made it possible for me to worship him in freedom, wherever, whenever, I choose. How uniquley special that experience was. How grateful I am to live in the United States of America and enjoy the freedoms I enjoy, religiously and according to my gender. We are very blessed here and I pray we always remember how very blessed we are.
That's not my topic this week though, just an observation. I love very much how the Lord chooses to teach us in the simplest ways sometimes, and how much he uses the craziest things to help us understand situations we find ourselves in. This story was relayed to me by a co-woker but definitely something I needed to hear. She had no idea i needed this story, nor the lesson it taught me. Thank heavens for promptings from the spirit, in any situation."
"I love the 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday and this year it was especially inspiring as I sat in church and worshipped the being that made it possible for me to worship him in freedom, wherever, whenever, I choose. How uniquley special that experience was. How grateful I am to live in the United States of America and enjoy the freedoms I enjoy, religiously and according to my gender. We are very blessed here and I pray we always remember how very blessed we are.
That's not my topic this week though, just an observation. I love very much how the Lord chooses to teach us in the simplest ways sometimes, and how much he uses the craziest things to help us understand situations we find ourselves in. This story was relayed to me by a co-woker but definitely something I needed to hear. She had no idea i needed this story, nor the lesson it taught me. Thank heavens for promptings from the spirit, in any situation."
Patience #2
"A member of her bishopric is training for a triathalon, and had been training for each leg of the race seperately. He had spent hours upon hours swimming, riding his bike, and running, but at no time had he ever put them all to together in full race length.(Which happens to be a mile swim, a 26 mile bike ride and a 6 mile run.) He decided, since the race was coming up quickly that he needed to focus on putting the events together. Having completed a triathalon, I understand that very well!! So on a saturday, he began his race. During the swim and the bike, he felt great, but as he started to run, he knew he was in trouble. His legs ached, he couldn't breathe, his body was weary!. Half way through the run he didn't know if he was going to make it back to the car. He said a fervent prayer, praying the lord would help him finish this strong as this was his goal. Soon after he had to stop running entirely and literally drag himself back to the car. Eventually he made it back. During the walk, he was a little upset. He had prayed in faith, why wasn't he able to finish this the way he wanted to? It was his goal to do this, why had the Lord not blessed him?
As he got back to the car though, he realized just how much the Lord blessed him. Sometimes, in the race of life, we get to run, sometimes jog, and oftentimes, we walk. We learn and things happen at different speeds in our life, and it is dependent on what the Lord needs to teach us. The most needful thing for this man, was that he return to the car, and the Lord made it possible for him to return to his car. Right then, he didn't need to be running and no matter what, the Lord always blesses us with that that is most needful. There are things He needs to accomplish with us and sometimes, we can only learn those things at a walking, rather than running pace, as much as we would like to run."
As he got back to the car though, he realized just how much the Lord blessed him. Sometimes, in the race of life, we get to run, sometimes jog, and oftentimes, we walk. We learn and things happen at different speeds in our life, and it is dependent on what the Lord needs to teach us. The most needful thing for this man, was that he return to the car, and the Lord made it possible for him to return to his car. Right then, he didn't need to be running and no matter what, the Lord always blesses us with that that is most needful. There are things He needs to accomplish with us and sometimes, we can only learn those things at a walking, rather than running pace, as much as we would like to run."
Patience #3
"I, in my life, feeling like I've been walking for so long, I'm no longer in shape, cause I'm not getting any hard cardio! As she relayed this story to me, I recognized in me, the desire to run, but the Lord needs me to walk. The Lord has been preparing me for a while now, which I understand from blessings I've received and impressions given me. I don't know what that is, but whatever it is, i can only learn the things I'm learning, at a walk. Patience, my family, is a virtue. One that I have a very hard time with, but the Lord has a way of teaching me. The Lord has never ceased to bless me with what is most needful in my life. He knows me, and knows how and what I need to learn and will teach me perfectly.
Patience in the Lord, in what He is teaching me, is essential. Simply, because He CAN see the beginning from the end, and I CAN'T. He knows me perfectly. He knows all things perfectly and my pride and frustration is not going to make me walk any faster. In fact, it might make me slow down, because the Lord can't teach a hardened heart. Faith and trust in His timing, and teaching method are then what become explicitly important. Do we trust the Lord to make us perfect? I DO!! There are very few perfect beings, and i would only trust the perfect ones to show me the way. I just have to remember that, when I want to run!"
Patience in the Lord, in what He is teaching me, is essential. Simply, because He CAN see the beginning from the end, and I CAN'T. He knows me perfectly. He knows all things perfectly and my pride and frustration is not going to make me walk any faster. In fact, it might make me slow down, because the Lord can't teach a hardened heart. Faith and trust in His timing, and teaching method are then what become explicitly important. Do we trust the Lord to make us perfect? I DO!! There are very few perfect beings, and i would only trust the perfect ones to show me the way. I just have to remember that, when I want to run!"
Monday, January 17, 2011
Merciful God #1
Originally written 6/29/10
"I wanted to express my love for each of you. All of you are so very dear to my heart and I'm so grateful to understand the plan of salvation which teaches me I still get to have you in my life when one of us passes on. How horrific life would be if I loved each of you this much and then that was the end. Each day I learn more about our Father in Heaven's mercy, including the amazing principles found in the plan of salvation.
This week was crazy, with all I'm trying to do at work and then a really quick trip to Vegas for my bestie's bridal shower. Amidst all that, I was reading in Alma, which so often in the past I have not always enjoyed reading because it seems it's just war after war. Oftentimes, though you stumble along a passage that you've never read that way before and it quickens, yet soothes your heart. I felt this way as I was reading this week."
"I wanted to express my love for each of you. All of you are so very dear to my heart and I'm so grateful to understand the plan of salvation which teaches me I still get to have you in my life when one of us passes on. How horrific life would be if I loved each of you this much and then that was the end. Each day I learn more about our Father in Heaven's mercy, including the amazing principles found in the plan of salvation.
This week was crazy, with all I'm trying to do at work and then a really quick trip to Vegas for my bestie's bridal shower. Amidst all that, I was reading in Alma, which so often in the past I have not always enjoyed reading because it seems it's just war after war. Oftentimes, though you stumble along a passage that you've never read that way before and it quickens, yet soothes your heart. I felt this way as I was reading this week."
Merciful God #2
"Alma 26 is an account of Ammon praising the Lord, who he feels is so merciful. Please remember this is the same Ammon, who with his brothers and Alma, went about trying to destroy the church. Through their fathers' faith, they received a witness, repented and decided to share the gospel with the Lamanites. When people heard where they were going, they 'laughed them to scorn'. In essence they said, who do you think you are? Look at those people, they are prideful, stiffnecked, they love to shed blood, and have committed some grievious sins. Do you really think you can change them? It would be better go to war against them and kill them to rid the land of their iniquity, lest they detroy us.
Currently their mission had been a great success. They had converted King Lamoni and his Father and all the people in their kingdoms. Other Lamanites were so upset they took arms up against them, bent on destroying them. The Anti Nephi-Lehites (the new name for the converted) refused to pick up their arms and instead bowed themelves down and submitted themselves to the other lamanites, who then killed them, even though they never fought back. Some of the lamanites, upon seeing this had their hearts swell within them, they repented and were converted. They threw down their weapons of war and joined with the people of God. Over 1000 were slain by the Lamanites but more than that were converted."
Currently their mission had been a great success. They had converted King Lamoni and his Father and all the people in their kingdoms. Other Lamanites were so upset they took arms up against them, bent on destroying them. The Anti Nephi-Lehites (the new name for the converted) refused to pick up their arms and instead bowed themelves down and submitted themselves to the other lamanites, who then killed them, even though they never fought back. Some of the lamanites, upon seeing this had their hearts swell within them, they repented and were converted. They threw down their weapons of war and joined with the people of God. Over 1000 were slain by the Lamanites but more than that were converted."
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